I Am Kurt
by Luvingtheshadowhunters
Summary: Title taken from the movie 'I Am Michael', Kurt breaks up with Blaine and says he is now straight. What has made him come to this conclusion? Is there a bigger reason for his sudden epiphany?


"Hey," I wrap my arms around Kurt from behind as he takes his books for his next class out of his locker and kiss his cheek. He goes rigid and I freeze. "What's wrong?" I ask, dropping my arms and laughing. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Kurt still does not say anything as he turns around and lets himself fall against the open door of the locker, closing it in the process with a loud clang. I just look at him, confused. "..Kurt?" I prompt again after I can't take the strange silence any longer. Kurt takes a deep breath in a way that makes me nervous that it is the first breath he had taken since I had approached him. I reach up to cup his cheek hesitantly, trying to help him calm down enough to say whatever it is he needs to say that has him shaken up so bad. "Come on, what is it?" When Kurt removes my hand from his face, I grow nervous for a whole different reason. Especially considering he doesn't hold it like he usually does and just releases it so it swings back to my side. "Blaine, we can't be together anymore."  
My blood runs cold and my breath catches, making me choke. "Woah," Kurt pats my back as I try to stop the coughing. "Just breath." When I can do as he says, he quickly retracts his hand from my body and clears his throat. I stand there, red faced and vulnerable as I wait for an explanation. "..What do you mean we can't be together anymore?" Kurt shifts from foot to foot, fiddling with the red scarf around his neck. "I don't no how else to say it really.." The other boy closes his eyes and leans his head against the metal behind him. "Blaine, I'm.. I'm not gay. I truly thought I was," He adds quickly when he peaks at my expression which probably looked somewhere between shocked and betrayed.  
"You're kidding right?" I interrupt before he can say anything else. "You can't be serious.. This isn't funny Kurt. If you don't want to be with me, you could just say it...But there is nothing straight about you." Kurt crosses his arms. "And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" I don't really how to respond to that, but it's true. Kurt is gayer then Elton John riding a rainbow unicorn through Las Vegas in a Pride Prade. "Exactly," Said boy says before I can think of how to phrase that into a reasonable argument. "I think I know my sexuality Blaine-" "Is that why you dated and told me you were gay for an entire year before deciding you're straight after all?" I raise my eyebrows. Kurt opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.  
""That's what I thought. Now please," I beg him. "Give me the real reason. I can take it whatever it is. Tell me what I'm doing wrong, Ill fix it.. " Kurt has regained his composure and is staring at me blankly now. "You don't have boobs." "Excuse me?" I asks incredulously, not sure I had heard him right. "You don't have boobs!" Kurt says once more, well screams, confirming my suspicions. And with that my now ex-gay, ex-boyfriend spins on his heels and walks away. And I don't call after him cause I honestly don't know what to say to that. "Don't you all have class or something?" I growl at those of my fellow peers who had stopped to stare.  
"I slowly put in the code for my locker, not quite believing what I'm about to do. I've been avoiding him all day, wanting to put it off selfishly. But I know I have to do it today, ideally before Glee. I can't act normal with him and then break up with after the meeting. And if I do it in Glee or act weird in Glee, everyone will become involved. Not only will that cause over the top unnessecary drama, it will take away a day of National's practice. And I'm not doing it over the phone. Never. I'll do it at lunch.. that should be the next time I see him?/p  
"Yeah.. I'll enjoy the next few hours of Blaine being my boyfriend and then I'll break up with him during lunch in the Library or something. My stomach flips at the prospect. Having this decided, I pull my books out and sigh. Then tense. Arms were around me. "Hey," My soon to be ex whispers in my ear. No. I'm not prepared to do it now. I'm not ready. But I have to... His arms disappear and I frown knowing that will be the last time he ever hugs me.  
"What's wrong?" Blaine laughs. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He thinks he just startled me, I think bitterly. Turning around and banging my locker shut with my body as I lean against it, I stare at him. Taking him in, smiling and laughing one last time for me. Cause after this, there's no way that will happen again. Blaine's smile soon drops though, replaced by furrowed eyebrows. "Kurt..?"  
I finally breath, realizing I hadn't done so once since Blaine had said hey a minute earlier. Blaine cups my cheek, concern filling his eyes. "Come on, what is it?" You don't want to know. Instead of saying that, I reach up and remove his hand from my face. "Blaine, we can't be together anymore," I blurt out before I can think of any more elegant approach./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;" align="LEFT"Blaine chokes on air and I slightly panic. I pat his back and try to bring him back. "Woah. Just breath," I coax gently. It takes him a moment, but to my relief he starts breathing again and I drop my hand to my side while clearing my throat. My heart breaks even more, seeing Blaine looking so small and still flushed from almost coughing his lungs out. "...What do you mean we can't be together anymore?" He asks quietly. I squirm, trying to think of how to explain my fabricated reason the right way./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;" align="LEFT""I don't know how to say it really..." I close my eyes, leaning my head against the cold metal of my locker, trying to calm down. "Blaine," I start, forcing the next words out. "I'm.. I'm not gay." I peak at him and see the most disbelieving and betrayed expression I'd ever seen on a person. "I truly thought I was," I quickly say, as if this could make things better. I try to think of how to continue but Blaine speaks before I can./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;" align="LEFT""You're kidding right?" I really wish I was. "You can't be serious. This isn't funny Kurt. If you don't want to be with me, you could just say it...But there is nothing straight about you." I want to correct him on not just not wanting to be with him. That is the furthest from the truth. But his last sentence catches me off guard and slightly offends me. Crossing my arms, I raise my eyebrows. "And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Blaine struggles for a response and I'm not sure I'm in the mood for a knock on my slightly- Slightly!- stereotypically gay behaviors so I stop this trail of topic quickly. "Exactly. I think I know my sexuality Blaine-" "Is that why you dated and told me you were gay for an entire year before deciding you're straight after all?" I'm interrupted./p  
Damn. Okay. Wow. I deserved that. I open my mouth as I try to think of a response, but it's Blaine's turn for an 'I told you so' moment. "That's what I thought. Now please," he begs him and it takes everything in me to school my expression. "Give me the real reason. I can take it whatever it is. Tell me what I'm doing wrong, Ill fix it.. " There's nothing to fix. I'm a horrible person. No, I remind myself. You're doing this for him. "You don't have boobs," I say, shocking even myself.  
""Excuse me?" Blaine's eyes widen. "You don't have boobs!" I scream before storming off. I glare at people who are staring at me, clutching my books closer to me and trying to keep the tears back./p  
"I breathed your name into the air; I etched your name into mebr /I felt my anger swelling; I swam into its seabr /I held your name inside my heart, but it got buried in my fearbr /It tore the wiring of my brain; I did my best to keep it clearbr /So, dear, no matter how we part, I hold you sweetly in my headbr /And if I do not miss a part of you, a part of me is deadbr /If I can't love you as a lover, I will love you as a friendbr /And I will lay a bed before you; keep you safe until the end/  
It has been two weeks since Kurt had realized he was straight and broken up with me. And I am depressed out of my mind about it. Kurt had not spoken to me since. Being in different grades, the only reason I even get to see him is if we happen to pass each other in the hallway. And Glee. He doesn't even look at me, sitting with Rachel and going on with her about NYADA.  
"For some reason the prospect of Kurt leaving to New York has become even worse now that we've broken up. At least while he's here, I can stare at him longingly across the chorus room. Once he's gone, there will be no reason to see each other or make any contact. He will just disappear from my life. The thought is almost unbearable. Singing breakup songs every assignment probably isn't helping me or anyone else, but I had still manged to justify doing so.  
Worth continuing?


End file.
